SATIRE/OPINION

Because nothing says public safety like letting the horse do the thinking. 
 
In a bold move to protect Wyoming’s most historically reliable designated drivers, the Legislature has introduced the so‑called “Saddles, Not Steering Wheels Act,” a clarification that confirms what frontier wisdom has long suggested: If you’re drunk, just let the horse handle it. 
 
Under HB0031, a vehicle is officially not a vehicle if it has four legs, eats hay, and possesses better judgment than its rider. Cars are regulated. Trucks are regulated. ATVs are regulated. But a half‑ton animal with a mind of its own? Perfectly acceptable. 
 
This bill carves out an exemption for horses, mules, and other equines when ridden by a person, meaning, driving under the influence laws no longer apply—as long as the steering wheel has been replaced by reins. 
 
In Wyoming’s newest version of DUI enforcement, drunk behind the wheel gets you a ride in the back of a patrol car. Drunk behind the reins? Saddle up and ride on. 
 
Supporters appear to be operating under a few optimistic assumptions: horses never spook, never bolt, never wander into traffic, and always know the way home—regardless of the condition of the human perched on top of them. Somewhere, a state trooper is quietly wondering whether field sobriety tests now apply to Quarter Horses. 
 
The unintended questions pile up quickly. Can a minor legally ride a horse home after drinking? If the rider falls off but the horse continues safely, who’s responsible? If the horse is drunk on fermented apples, does it get probation? These aren’t jokes. These are the logical consequences of writing loopholes instead of addressing behavior. 
 
Wyoming already has cowboy culture. It doesn’t need legislative cosplay to preserve it. This bill doesn’t defend freedom—it dodges responsibility, substituting nostalgia for common sense. 
 
Apparently, in 2026 Wyoming law, the safest place for a drunk person isn’t behind a steering wheel—it’s on top of a horse with better judgment than the Legislature.